This is a poem I wrote a few weeks ago... a personal testimony written in 3rd person.
Groping in the Darkness
Confusion, despair and misery
Engulfed her in their grip of iron.
A lump of dread rested heavily
In the pit of her stomach.
Her mind was entangled with
Only one thought: herself.
Why didn’t people like her?
What was wrong with her?
Why couldn’t she act like everyone else?
What could she do to get attention,
To get people to notice her?
Negative thoughts about herself
Poured into her brain,
Like a river of hot lava.
She was desperate.
She longed for something more.
She was tired of plastering on
The fake outward smile each morning,
The same way she plastered on
Lipgloss and hairspray.
Her heart longed for true happiness.
But her pride and selfishness
Was in the way.
She cried out to God,
Pouring out her despondency and despair,
Telling Him how wretched she was,
What a failure she was.
But her prayers seemed to bounce off a wall,
And when she listened for His voice,
A voice of reassurance,
A word of comfort,
She heard only cold silence.
She knew she had failed Him.
She had failed her family,
She had failed herself.
And that was all she could think about;
It was all she could pray about.
Dread, confusion and despair overwhelmed her.
She felt choked and suffocated
By her own sobs of regret.
She felt like she had hit rock bottom,
And when she looked up,
Searching for a ray of light,
A glimmer of hope,
She saw only the inky blackness swallowing her.
In despair, she flung open the door and
Dashed outside into the drizzling rain.
Cool raindrops mixed with the tears
Streaming down her face
And her sobs suffocated her.
Head bent, she rushed forward
Not caring where she was going.
If only she could outrun
The misery and confusion
That had settled in her stomach.
Finally she stopped, breath coming quickly.
She slowly looked upward,
Blinking away the tears and raindrops.
She locked eyes with the gray sky
Peering down at her through the trees,
A blank expression on its face.
“God,” she whispered, hot tears
Quickly resurfacing again.
“Where are You?
Why won’t you Answer me?
How can I walk alone,
How can I be expected to
Carry this burden by myself?”
She stared into the dull, gray eyes
Of the sky above,
And wished she could knock down
The wall that was separating her
From her Savior.
The wind whispered to the trees,
And raindrops gently touched her cheeks,
As if they were trying to comfort her.
Dropping to her knees
Into the wet, clingy leaves,
She sobbed.
Nothing was going right,
Nothing revolved around her anymore,
It didn’t seem like anyone really cared.
Then it dawned on her.
The reason for her misery
The reason she felt so awful,
The wall that separated her from Christ,
Was herself.
Her pride, vanity, and selfishness
Were standing in the way.
She couldn’t see past herself,
She couldn’t look into the Savior’s eyes
And hear his gentle voice whisper to her,
Because all she could think about
Was herself.
Her thoughts were whirling a million miles per hour.
Sobs were heaving her chest.
But she had realized the problem.
Slowly, she swallowed the lump in her throat,
The lump of vanity, arrogance and selfishness,
She whispered the words
That pride had prevented for so long:
“God, I need You!
I want You!
I’m willing now,
To give up myself,
To stop living for myself.
I can’t fight this battle alone!
Father, I. Need. You.”
And that was all it took.
The weight of dread was lifted,
The wall separating her from her Savior
Was lifted,
And the chains of selfishness and vanity
Were broken and cast to the ground.
There, standing in the midst
Of the gray, dreary forest,
Raindrops washing away her tears,
She reached up and clasped hands with her Savior.
She saw how much He cared for her,
How He had been there all along,
How His heart ached for her,
How He sobbed when she cried,
How He longed to take her
In His arms and comfort and encourage her.
But how her own pride and selfishness
Had prevented Him.
But now, the chains of pride
Were broken.
The bondage of sin
Was cast aside.
The light of Christ filled her,
And she ran into His open arms,
A real, genuine happiness
Bubbling up inside.
Her heart felt light again,
True joy and peace
Replaced the heavy block of misery
That had been weighing her down.
She collapsed in His arms,
And He holds her tight,
His heart overflowing with joy.
One more lost sheep
Has been found.
And now, in her mind’s eye,
She sees the bumpy road ahead.
The mountains to climb,
The battles to fight.
But fear doesn’t grip her anymore,
Because now, she’s not walking alone.
She has Someone next to her,
Holding her hand,
Sharing her burden
And taking every step of the way with her.
She has found her Savior.
